Why, why

I knock, and have been knocking for years. And then I realized, I have been knocking on the wrong door.

I should be doing homework, my binder is open and I have questions to answer about Marconi and his wireless signal and how it revolutionized technology and paved the way for the current digital age we live in, but I don’t want to do homework. I’m quite distracted actually, with catching up with friends, sharing hearts, and oh, thank-you Marconi for paving the way, because ‘Voxer’ is the best app ever.

The mood is quite melancholy here today, grey skies, a couple drips of rain, soggy fences. My heart, feels quite ‘soggy’, as I talk to a friend about God…and I wonder, where are You?

All I want to know, is if You are there, and if You are, why, why have you forsaken me?

Why, why, do you visit others, and not me?

Why, why, do you leave me here with the rocks on the floor, and the dust on my pants, and my tired knees?

They say pray and I have prayed. They say scripture and I have ‘scriptured’.

They say to take a step, but how many ‘steps‘ do I take without Him?

They say everything right and good, because they care, because they have the best intentions.

But I am left in the unknown place, where there is little sparkle and little light.

I am here- balancing the bucket from tipping over, trying to share my heart without dumping it. Pain sits, and the questions float around, and I wish that God had a voicemail so I could leave Him a message and hope to hear back.

I haven’t heard back in a couple years now.

If He is there, all I want is Him to come to me, and find me, because I cannot keep searching because my compass is cracked, and perhaps I have been gong in circles for quite some time.

So I am still waiting, for Him, I think. I have not given up, but I have not moved forward. I have not moved closer. I heard it preached to me before that if you are not moving closer, then you are moving further; well, I beg to differ. Sometimes, one is not moving anywhere, they are just standing, in one place…seeking out the Hand to lead them, but the hand hasn’t come, but they still bet on the small possibility that at some time, some day, the Hand will come, and until it does, they will wait, in that place, not moving closer, but not moving further- just waiting.

If you know Him, ask Him, remind Him, about me. Tell him, that I have been waiting…

and all I want to know, is if He sees me.

But perhaps, you are just like me, and have been waiting too.

…What is your story?


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